Life is always strange and full of surprises. I was enjoying every moment of it, yet there was some vacuum.  Walking uphill to enjoy the beauty of nature became a daily affair. The joy in admiring nature was priceless, yet I wanted something more. Reading different thoughts on life and joy did suggest that I wanted a spiritual path to meet the ultimate joy in life.

I knew none who would guide me along the path to ultimate joy. Stressed out of the thoughts of finding a Guru, I fell asleep. I set out uphill on Himalayas to witness the path many Monks and Gurus followed to attain Moksha (Salvation). I met many like-minded people in pursuit of Moksha, but none was able to tell me what should I do to attain  Moksha. As I rested under a tree, an old Monk appeared and asked me who I was and what I am searching for ?. He asked me to sit on the ground and close my eyes as he delivered a discourse, which he claimed would help me attain my goal. After the discourse, I opened my eyes, just to find that my journey along Himalayas and meeting with the enlightened Monk was just a dream.

There was something in me that forced me to believe that the dream was the answer to my search of ultimate happiness. I set out to Himalayas and started learning Yoga for next few years. As I started practicing Yoga, I felt my heart was getting lighter, my mind was fresh and there was positive vibe around me. Several years passed with my penance and spiritual endeavor. I was now integral part of a group of spiritual Gurus living in a small hermitage.

The life in the hermitage was so different from my past, which was more mechanical and artificial. I saw many fellow enlightened ones attaining the eternal Moksha, reaching the Divine abode. I also saw new aspirants walking up to us with desire to attain Moksha. We guided them to overcome the pain of the materialistic & artificial World.

One morning, as I was walking in the beautiful orchid garden, I saw a young lad lying unconscious. One of my disciples told me that this lad had come to our hermitage in search of Moksha and has not had food for last few days. After few days, I was informed that the lad has recover completely. I asked my disciple to bring the lad to my hut.

The lad looked lean, tired and dejected from his stressful life. Arjuna (the lad), requested me to accept him into our hermitage and guide him towards the peaceful divine life. My disciples helped Arjuna learn the greatness of life devoid of attachment and the mindset required to attain Moksha.

Though everything seemed so nice and rosy, I was quite unhappy for the fact that I have not been able to attain Moksha, though I guided many of my disciples and fellow Monks to attain Moksha. My effort towards my goal grew as the days passed, yet I couldn’t see the sign of divine call. I then decided to go on a long penance to search the reason  for my disability to attain Moksha. Days turned into weeks, Weeks turned into months, yet I couldn’t find why I didn’t receive the divine call.

Meanwhile Arjuna was getting groomed as a wonderful disciple and probably the best ever disciple I had. On his request, I allowed him to stay in my hut and taught him the extremely intense ways of meditation.  One fine morning, I came to know that, Arjuna has attained enlightenment and has been glowing like Sun on a sunny day.

My jubilation at the achievement of my dear disciple was over-shadowed by my disappointment for not able to achieve my own Moksha. I was so engrossed in that thought, that I failed to realize the fall of night and I went into deep sleep. That night I had a dream where The Divine Soul appeared before me and ordered me to accompany to the Holy Ganga. The divine self, asked me to observe the water for next few days and disappeared. I sat on the banks of the river, on  hot and sunny days, on rainy days in anticipation of answer to my search. After few days, the divine self appeared in front of me once again and asked what did I observe in these few days of my life along the Ganga. I described the way I saw water flowing perennially along the river and the inherent calmness and greenery around the river.

The divine soul, then asked me “Did you find answer to your search ?”. I fell silent. The Divine Soul asked me its next question, ” Did you see where the water in the river was coming from and where was it going?” I replied, ” The rain brought water to the river and the river discharged into the Ocean”

The Divine soul asked again ” Did you see the rain drops falling elsewhere other than the river?” I replied ” Of course the rain drops fell along the land and on trees on the banks of the river.” The Divine soul asked again ” Do you know what would happen If you cut down the trees in the dense forest along the region?” I replied, ” The land would turn barren and the river would dry up.”

My curiosity grew as the questions from the divine soul also grew in number. My wait for the next question from the Divine soul didn’t last long, as I was immediately asked “What would happen if all the rain drops fell into the river and not on the land or trees in the region?” I replied, ” The trees will go dry and the rains would stop and the river would go dry”

The Divine Soul, spoke again, but didn’t ask a question, but answered my question. It said, “You are like the rain drop that didn’t flow into the river to be discharged into the Ocean, the dream of a water drop. You are the rain drop that fell on the tree to stimulate further rain, resulting in many rain drops attaining the Ocean.”

The world would go scarce of people attaining Moksha, if everyone attain Moksha and none was left to guide others. It is wonderful to attain Moksha, but it is more than wonderful to help others attain their goal. ”You may not realize that your destiny is in helping other’s reach their destiny!”

Dedicated to all Teachers, Friends, Leaders, Peers helping me grow both Personally and Professionally

]]> http://harryram.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/a-raindrop-that-never-met-the-ocean/feed/ 2 harilhr mok http://harryram.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/the-nos-and-dont-knows/ http://harryram.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/the-nos-and-dont-knows/#comments Fri, 10 Jun 2011 14:03:59 +0000 harilhr http://harryram.wordpress.com/?p=412 Continue reading →]]> Come the end of this month, I would be celebrating 2 anniversaries;  one – 5th anniversary of my blog, two - first anniversaries of my return to Hyderabad.  This city offered me two new weapons on my return, which I wasn’t offered during my stay of about quarter century. Few years ago I posted about “Corporate animal”, never realising that I might end up being one.

The last one year has brought a huge transformation in my way of thinking. I took me few months to realize that I was back in Hyderabad, in fact few of  the regular readers of my blog even said they were expecting a blog on my return to Hyd. But, all that I could think of was WORK. People back home wouldn’t have realized either that I was back in Hyderabad, since I spent almost entire non-sleepy hours thinking or talking of work.

At the end of my corporate training, a close friend of mine at Mysore once told me ” You lost all your charm and the energy that you had when you joined the training.” In a typical Hari style (never serious), I replied “May be I am becoming a professional.” Least did I realize that what I said was true, I was in fact losing most of my personal space apart from my hair

Few months  after my return to Hyd, realised that I was struggling with severe pain in my neck, that had gone unnoticed by my ever pre-occupied workaholic mind. If not for the fact that I was yet to pay the physio bill, the physio would have literally killed me for my carelessness. Gradually, as I was buying time to get my neck back in shape, I realised I can manage to handle the weapon of saying NO. Though I wasn’t so adamant or would shy-away from work and responsibility (both at professional and personal front), I realised there was a real need to learn the art of saying NO across the various roles one plays in one’s life.

Few of my friends used to point out, that when they approach me with some request, I would always start off with a denial if it was too demanding. But would end up doing it for them. The art of saying NO was well within my nature, but the art of sticking to the NO was not. As I started building this nature as well, I was able to think beyond what to do, since I was able to get rid of un-warranted baggage that I carried. I found more time for myself and found that I was pretty un-occupied most of the time.

Some one on Facebook asked me my New Year resolution and I replied “Last year I learnt to say No, this year I want to learn to say ‘I don’t Know’ ” (this statement was pathetically misquoted just to strengthen my will to say NO and I don’t know). In Indian scenario, it has remains a taboo to say ” I don’t know“  because it was against one’s false pride to confess being naive. I came across few people at work, who would treat ignorance or discomfort in doing something as a pretty natural and normal issue. I had always admired that quality in such people, but seldom tried to induce it into my own nature.

When I stared saying NO to baggage, I found enough time to think of things beyond daily routine and yet not disturbing my routine at work and personal life. Movies on every weekend with Srikanth (thanks to his delayed VISA to return to US) was back into my routine. When the whole World was nearing the New Year, I found I became an Uncle….! now that the art of saying NO made the day look so long enough to accommodate many many things in life, I found lots and lots of time to play with the new-born boy. I was pretty much on time to work and then back home as well.

With the advent of New year, I started practicing the art of saying ” I don’t Know”. Back in Hyderabad, I met 2 colleagues, pretty new to work but plenty to learn from. One of my ex-managers ones told me that he learnt from me, few tricks of handling situations. I felt that was a cliché statement to motivate younger folks, but after meeting the 2 folks, I felt younger folks bring in newer thoughts and style of working. I could very well describe their attitude, similar to how Paulo Coelho describes his master in Valkyries. Though they were technically well equipped, they always presented themselves as people with questions to know more. A very polished way to say ” I don’t know” also proving that there is always an exception (because my belief was that “Corporates had more politicians than Politics”. Their company strengthened my art of saying ” I don’t know”. This gave me more time to look back and shed away the false assumption that I knew it all.

The art of saying NO gave me more time to accommodate few more things in the day and the art of saying “I don’t know” gave me opportunity to learn new things. I started to plan my future and to start off planned my own house !. Living up to my reputation of being creative person, I started making the floor plan of my house on MS Paint. Once this plan got finalized, I moved on to draw the elevation of the house, just to realise that I wasn’t as good at drawing like I was few years ago, giving me yet another opportunity to say ” I don’t know”. I then decided to join the painting classes at office that coincided with my interest at that point.  But then, I hadn’t mastered the skill of saying NO, so had to miss the classes, as I couldn’t steal time. At the next schedule (I had mastered the art of saying NO), I joined Sketching classes, post office hours. My strokes were getting stronger, gentler and finer. I was finally able to design the elevation of my house, giving me a life-long opportunity to claim, I planned every inch of my house.

Days were longer enough to let me go out with Ravi after office hours on shopping spree for his wedding and to invite people. It had been ages, since we both would have zoomed every inch of the city and nothing gets better than this. I also got a change to watch a 6:45 show of movie after office with my batchmates, wow, now that was a real killer of a proof to show the change that the art of Saying No had brought in.

The 2 weapons; Art of saying “NO” and “I don’t know” are to be handled as carefully as a sword without dagger hanging around one’s waist. One may end up in an awkward situation where one’s No can offend people or might end up branding one as a person who would shy away from responsibility. The “I don’t know” can very obviously end up one being branded as a dull headed person.

The lines over the figures in the above picture makes it difficult to conclude who is taller. Likewise, in our daily life, the reference or yardstick for measuring things keeps changing

During one of my conversations on an investment proposal, I realized, the value of money varies with a reference as well. When you plan to buy something worth 2 Lakhs, the amount seems to be so huge. When we plan to spend 20 Lakhs, an additional expense of 2 Lakhs seems to be meagre. In the former case, “0″ was the reference, while in the latter 20Lakh is the reference. 2Lakhs in both cases amounts the same, but the shift in reference makes it a varying amount. The additional 2 Lakhs may fetch you something better than what you would get without it. If that was the way to look at it, everything seems so positive, but treating 2 Lakhs as meager just because you are have planned for 20 L, destroys the real value of that amount.

Unless we don’t have absolute reference, the value for “what we have” and ” what we aspire” can never content us.

Yesterday,  I was driving around the locality I lived more than a decade ago. The roads seems so narrow that I found it very difficult to drive. About a decade ago, the same roads looked really wide. It is only my exposure to larger roads, big malls, huge flyovers that changed the perception. My exposure has sub-consciously changed the reference of virtual measurement.

Even while interacting with people, our approach tends to change. The disparity among people and their attitude is because of the varying reference. If you compare me to Ambani.. I might be earning peanuts, but when you take “0″ as reference I earn huge sum !

Science always had absolute point of reference for time and space until Einstein’s Relativity changed the entire approach. The progression in area of science was catapaulted after this revealation. Yet for simpler life on Earth, we still use the approach of absolute reference. Not because Einstein’s Relativity is incorrect, but because it adds complexity to the simpleton on Earth. Every measurement for non-light like speed is based on absolute reference.

Similarly for the simple, trouble free life, if we can hold on the absolute reference, the World would be as peaceful as it was created to be.

PS: It is not intentional that Einstein’s Relativity creeps in now and then into my blog. We both are going to enjoy our b’days on March 14…. 2 weeks from now !

 What have I done/achieved/lost in the past year ???? too complex.. too technical. The year was overshadowed with lot of work and yet been one of the nicest years.

Personally, it  was a year of that had lot of celebrations at home… (one more added between the time I began drafting this post and I publish it.)

Professionally, I have seen extremely long working hours, pressure-cooker situations, lack of concentration.. finally I became mechanical at work. But, during the course, I learnt many tricks of the trade as well.

Year that began with my brother’s wedding turned me into a social being…. for the first time in life I played a host (a nice one too I believe). That was the only time after long that I really took a real break from work. Got to meet friends and family, who complained I had lost lot of weight… haha thanks to work and Bangalore that I lost whatever weight I had put on with great difficulty. It was also the first time I personally witnessed the transition and amalgamation of two different families. I realised it was such a delicate thing to handle, yet (touch wood) AALL IZZZ WELL.

Work occupied the major portion of my life, I learnt may things in due course,. Though, none of the learnings helped me scale up my technical skills, I learnt how to be and how not to be at work. At times I felt we are exploited and at other times I felt folks above there are helpless as well. Did I really need to pay for someone else’s helplessness ?

Few months down the year, I was so over worked that  I even stopped analysing things and using my thoughts, more so I became mechanical. Got a breather mid of the year, when I got to work with one of the senior team members. I was stunned by the level of calmness she showed at work. It was as if God forgot to install the driver for emotion called “Panic” in her. The ease of work was really contagious and I learn how to avoid hitting the panic button.  Observing others I realised that work was too chaotic, not because it was chaotic, but was made to be one.

Learnings :

1. It is not always a lack of skill that affects work, but lack of application of the skill.

2. Work is just part of life.  I realised it tough way. Had been through the physically most painful phase in life with a drastically screwed up neck. This phase gave me time to lie on bed for longer hours, because it was tough for me to really painful move my neck even an inch. Pain was so extreme that even a blink would be killing. Physiotherapy sessions had become part of my life for few weeks. Strict NO to Pillows till date.

3. No matter how cliché it may sound.. “if you struggle today, you are happier tomorrow”. Most people around to find treat it as showbiz or worthless, when I document my learnings and shared them across. It takes a real effort to document things, but after sharing them, when people end up in similar issues, I have a ready answer “Read the document that I send the other day” . How much time does it take to utter these words when compared to sitting back and cracking the issues. This really gave me a chance to avoid work and that too with invincibly defensive statement ” Read the document that I send the other day”.

Starting early for work and working till mid-night was daily routine. Driving back late was a reason to complain. Returning late has something good in it too. One night I was caught up in an unplanned meeting, causing my EOD to be delayed by 2 hours (11.30 pm). On the way, I realised there was a slit between two blocks in pavement and a pair of hands emerging out of the slit. I thought it was someone cleaning the place at night, but the curiousity made me peep in only to find a well-dressed guy. I then realized, he could have fallen into the slit while getting down from the bus at the bust-stop.  My insticts were not as over-worked as me, so I called an auto-rickshaw driver for help, but the blocks were too heavy for us to lift. Thanks to YSR, the driving force behind 108 service, whcih turned up late but yet managed to save that guy out. Though YSR was not benifitted by his brain-child, the service benifits many across India.

Learning: At times, saving a life doesn’t cost you anything (108 is toll free number) , except the attitude to spend some time and effort for others.

Few unexpected re-unions with my best friends brought back the “Hari” or rather “Harry” to his original self. Ravi flying down to India for few weeks made me take the much needed break. The word needed is in bold because that was the last vacation I had taken till December. That was like the breeze that brought me back to life…..!

Quick, breakless trip from Bangalore to Hyderabad to attend one of my best-friend’s wedding reception and then rushing back within hours. Long bus journey without dinner was too taxing, but I couldn’t have forgiven myself all my life if I had not travelled to Hyd for this event. The pain and stress always vanishes when it makes our dear ones smile.

Moving back to Hyderabad was the best feeling I ever had in few years. People who visit my blog quite often, told me that they expected the I would write something on that, but that never happened. I was never able to write on my come back, because I was so over-worked that it took very long for me to really realise that I am back home. My thoughts were never moving past work. Few of my friends were even bored by the mere thought of giving me as call, because I wouldn’t speak anything apart from work.

Srikanth flying back to India after 3 years, was the real booster. I almost re-lived my college days. Weekend movies, dinner, shopping, aimless drives….. ! This phase made me the old Hyderabadi.

I started writing this post on Dec14 around 7 pm and couldn’t finish it till today. I don’t regret this, because this delay gave me more wonderful moments to record.

Two hours after I started writing this post, I became an uncle to a cute little baby-boy. Two weeks from then, I got to meet this new member in the family. It is a real pleasure to watch the tiny tot spread that innocent and unadulterated smile.

Few more days, I felt my efforts at work really paid off. Though, the so-called numbering was awesome, the words that followed were encouraging. 

Few days back I was speaking to a friend @ work when something struck an old-hidden-anger !

In one of my older posts, few years back I remember I had coined a statement ” We don’t relate ourself to success, but we relate ourself to people who are successful”. I feel it is time to coin another statement

” We relate ourself to successful people, but we isolate ourself from our own success”

“Hari, can you check the version 1.o of the document ?”  Now, that question irked me. For heaven sake it is 1.0 and not 1.o.. it is Zero and not O (as in Oscar).

Zero is pride of India.  Me – being a lover of interviews, biographies, narrations, watch every damn documentary on History Channel. A documentary on the number Zero, elobrated the impact of Zero in the number system and the world of communication…. binary bits (0, 1). Then why do we Indians have started calling it “Oh” instead of “Zero”. Are we not shying away from the success that we inherited ? Hurting !

I am not conservative or close-minded person, but I take pride of what I have inherited as long as it is reasonable and holds good even in modern times.

Being a Zero is shameful but not the very being of Zero.

How many times the TV channels and newspapers make headlines ” …..of Indian-origin has achieved ….” Why are we starving so much to find Indian link to someone successful?

I always feel we have never come out of the tradiational…historial .. may be futuristic statement ” We are a developing nation” . It is true that we are a developing nation, but most of us try to remember/forget this fact for our benefits.

We don’t remember that we are still a developing when we take up the whole expense of hosting CWG.

Finally, I gathered courage and made her mine….. tumko paye hai tho jaise koya hoon.. kehna chahoon tho tumhe mein kya kahoon….kisse zubaan mein woh labse hi nahi… tareef ye hai tho sach hai kuch bhi nahi. She became very integral part of my life…… never realised that not being with her even for few minutes would make me restless.

Holding her with my left hand even at lunch table had become a romantic routine….mere haat mein tera haat hai…..sarri jannathein meere saath hai…

Waking up at her husky voice was the most disturbing (waking up is always tough)…. but would always request her to let me sleep for 10 more minutes… until that .. 10 min more would end up into 1 Hr. Tapping her once in a while in sleep showed my real concern for her .

Admiring her beauty, spending time with her had become my full time job.  Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva tho nahi …. shikva nahi….

Love pampering her so much so that I spent many hours looking for newer looks for her. As the relationship grew, we became closer to each other. When I had no one around, she gave me company. When I felt bored, her voice made my day. Lagne laga hai mujhe aaj kal .. ki tum saanz gaooo mein gaaaon gazal .. mehesus yun hota hai kyun ki har pal mein tere saat rahoon.

As time passed by, I realized she became more demanding, I became more dependent, She occupied most of my time. I lost my privacy.

On many occasions, I ignored her, but on may I couldn’t.  At times, when she stopped speaking to me, I felt lonely, depressed and broken. She became an addiction, she became important part of my life.

Few days, I was too tired after long day at work. She kept nagging me, I ignored her, then in couple of minutes she began all again……. I began to to hate her.

She occupied my time even when I desired peaceful speechless lunch. She became so demanding, that I felt I am losing my personal time.  I realised I can’t get rid of her, I can’t live without her…. but living with her became so difficult. Yet, I couldn’t part with her….. We looked at each other, she said…..woh lamhe woohh baatein….. koi na jaane…. kasie raatein ……

Oh man I can’t part with her………! I am so obsessed to her that I don’t dare to look at others even though my heart jumps out at times seeing few others.

The other day,  my heart went after another one…….. but just a gentle touch of mine…. brought me back to reality….

Oh God ! looking at my heart…… I don’t know will I ever be able to live without my mobile.

PS: Thought of this story, when I read an article on a piece of paper wrapping my grocery,  which named Cyrus and actor Rajat kapoor as two people who have never used a mobile phone all their life.

My eyes stopped at a beautiful red rose, with twinkling dew drops turning it into a ruby-like jewel. My heart sank at the sight of such natural beauty and the mind said…. “why don’t you pluck it” but my heart said “just enjoy the beauty dear…don’t be greedy”

My friend too was of the same thought, but I somehow convinced and stopped him from plucking the rose. We began to jog around…as if we were duplicate artists of Pawan Kalyan ..motivated by ..I just a travelling soldier… we were still in trance of the misty magic of the rose. I made up my mind to take the rose home, so planned to pluck it before my friend could do it.

Chai chai chai ….thats the tea vendor selling the early morning doze of energizer (tea). Oh man I can really give away anything for that wonderful taste of tea. Just then my eye stopped again … oh God Aankhen bhi hoti hai dil ki zubaaan…this time it was the sight of a cute girl trying to jump over the fence to avoid running all around to enter the park… Chaand chupa badal mein .. sharmakey ……..

My friend was smart enough to jump there and offer a helping hand before my dumb head can even get that thought. They both sat on the bench and began to talk for long…. I was tempted to intrude….. and finally did it ..yuppiee. I bought two ice creams n went to them and said “oops I have only two ice creams, offered her one and I had one.. asked my friend to get an ice cream for himself.” The girl had the cutest eyes I had ever seen.  My friend came back with ice-cream and there was a kurusshetra between us competing with each other to impress that girl..each of us imaging ourselves as Amitabh and Shashi kapoor singing .. jo sochein .. jo chahe who kar ke dika dein .. hum vo hai jo do aur do paanch banadein….

After a while, the girl finished the ice-cream and shouted … tata uncle… it is time for my school. I then jumped to her and asked “what is your name “… she replied .. “my name is pinky.. I am studying in UKG B”

Then I remembered the rose….my friend too had planned to secretly grab the rose before I could…. so as soon as we both reached near the rose.. we looked at each other and smiled with sort of anger. We walked past the garden and after sometime…. I broke the silence and said.. Oh God, we both seem to be growing old… the girl called us Uncle…… my friend replied .. that is fine, she is just a kid and might be calling everyone as uncle,  but how could a piece of broken glass look like rose to both of us… we are surely growing old buddy

People who have been close to me would vouch that I am not popular for friend-making, but had always been die-heart friend of whomever I made friendship with.

I have always received loads of affection and care from my friends. I have made wonderful and nicest friends at different stages of my life right from school- intermediate-tutorial-degree-Juno-Masters-Infy.

When I look behind, I realise that not many of the so-called best friends have stayed back with me. I don’t claim I had been a perfect friend but have always made efforts to contact old friends or may be friends miffed with me at times. I mostly received a negative result in most cases, either because people are too busy to spare time for this friend from bygone days or had their own reasons for not being able to get back to me.

The previous lines were drafted about 20 days back, and this post stayed in the drafts waiting for me to have workless weekend to complete the rest. It coincides with many re-unions in my life.

My re-union with one of my oldest (not by age .. but by years of friendship, turning 10 this month) after more than 3 years., thanks to facebook :) It was moment of mixed emotions like happiness, joy, anger, forgiveness, concern about the sudden disappearance, fear of losing touch again. Happiness, for obvious reasons of getting back in touch with someone with whom you have shared many beautiful moments and stages of your life. Anger, because only I know the efforts I had taken to get in touch through mails, SMS, phone calls…. what not over the past many years. Concern, because the disappearance was so sudden, that I, with my usual nature of assuming the other person would have had a valid reason for any of their actions or reaction, was very much worried.  Forgiveness, because I know I was hurt for whatever reason the loss of contact may be. Fear of losing touch again, not sure why .. but I never tried making newer friends as good as the ones I already have, so always treasure the existing ones. May be this is one of the reasons why I didn’t show all my emotions, was controlled and cool. Or may be I had a hope ( Have One Positive End .. this expansion is copyrighted  to me  ..heheh) that I have entire life ahead to show up these emotions in installments rather than pouncing on the poor soul.

Ravi returning to India after more than a year, for his sister’s wedding and my leave  plans undisturbed by my tight project deadline wow what else can I ask for. Off to Hyderabad from 26 to 30 May on vacation. I know we have many many many things to share, discuss, cherish, party, argue, fight…. off course joining air force (galli tirugudu in telugu) or rather roaming jobless.

The rain also brings me lot of energy to think about off-work activities like reading books (includes technical stuff), blog, scribble poems here and there to mark various occasions like friend’s b’day, anniversary of meeting a friend or any personal celebration etc. Strangely ( it is strange that I have time for myself…. if you have seen me or atleast heard from me since pst few months) it also gives me time to revisit my life.

I have realised that I have not been in regular touch with most of my friends. Interestingly most of my very good friends are those whom I would have met just 3-4 times in past half-a-decade or even a decade, still managing to be in touch through phone or mails and assuming I have made best friends. Seldom did I realise that once you are out of sight you are out of mind and you may not receive the same luxury and privilege that you give to your friends, if you have not been meeting them over the ages in spite of being in touch through phone and mails on daily basis or if you have lost touch due to busy life. Or is it that my way of looking or treating friends has to do something with this.

My friends’ list had stopped growing few years back and had never seemed to grow in future.  How often do we really give sometime to ourselves and even to our friends to settle down as friends and start reciprocating what the other person showers on us. What could disturb your relationship with the other person is expectation. Is it really possible to avoid expecting the reciprocation of what we shower to our friends ? My take would be ‘No’ in case of very close friends and ‘Ofcourse Yes’ in case of just friends. Do we really get back to those from whom we expect ?

In recent times, I felt let-down so many times, that I really feel like passing my favourite statement when I see people falling down…”abbey gira hua insaaan ..aur kitna gireyga” hehehe.( Hey I have still not lost the quality of laughing at myself). To be true to myself, I also realise that I have not been an exceptional person as a friend, nor have I made any difference to people around. Yet, I feel may be I deserve a better place.

Does it really make a difference if you have made a friend whom you meet very often or if you just are in touch with them over calls and mails even though on daily basis ? or if you have lost touch due to busy life ? or do we start taking people for granted over a period of time ?

“Phone memory is full, delete few items” was the message that popped up from my mobile 2 days back. I started to check where I can free-up some memory. I realised that I have loads and loads of messages in Inbox and Sent items, few dated 2005, few 2007 too. But I bought this new mobile in 2008, how did messages from 2005 creep in??? , Arrey yaar I had transferred them to my new mobile and I had never deleted messages that I received or sent later on.

Nostalgia is a magic medicine at least when you are leading a lonely life. I was curious to see what I had discussed with my friends years ago, so I started switching from Sent items to Inbox and vice-versa, to get the chronology right and to understand what was the conversation. I could read messages to/from Ravi, Shambavi, Srikanth, Raghava, Shanthi, messages from Mysore days.

As I started reading those, there were many b’day wishes, friendship day wishes, wishes in Telugu from Ravi on every occasion. Made me realise how time has passed so fast, neither of us realising that it has been so many years since we met or discussed things apart from “how are you and stuff”. Nice cute, messages he got as a forward and then re-forwarded it to me.  Nice thought-provoking discussions with Shambavi when both of us would be returning from our respective offices in cab at night. My advises to her and vice-versa ( ???? vice-versa??? Hari taking advice.. sounds funny or unreal, but trust me, I always take advice from Ravi and Shambavi for anything and everything I do and hope to continue the same in future) or funny messages or my trademark poor-jokes (she is the only person I know who doesn’t get vexed with my poor-jokes) or messages about the whereabouts of her cab at night. Secret plans of celebration discussed with Shanthi on Ravi’s B’day or his travel to US or on Naveena’s b’day. Message to remind me/her of our common friend’s b’days or message to get Ganesha idol as gift to Ravi or Naveena when they are travelling to onsite or other location, because I will be late ( as usual) to reach the gallery to pick it up myself. I somehow believe that Ganesha idol or photo-frames which I gift to my closest friends on their new endeavor ensures them success. Few messages from my Mysore days when a nice friend from Mysore had messages me saying ” the facilitator had not allowed her into the training room because she was late” . This incident happened after our first visit to our homes, and me and my friend returned in the afternoon on a working day, I was lucky that I was allowed into the training room as the facilitator in my room was friendly and understood that I was travelling back from home after the weekend, but my friend’s facilitator was strict and didn’t allow her in. Another message from her pulling my leg for eating up all 3 chocolate bars given by her and asking me not to eat the wrapper hehe. Messages from Srikanth asking me to reach a place at so-and-so time etc. Raghava’s nice cute messages from my PG days. The messages to my Colleagues in Hyderabad asking the status of the office bus, so that I can rush to the bus-stop.

I felt so heavy after reading all those 2200 odd messages that tears were the next natural thing that could happen. I was missing my friends and their comfort so much that I was weeping, not just misty eyes. Never realised SMSes could be nostalgia-evoking. I deleted few good theme/default videos and pics provided by Nokia, so that I can avoid deleting these SMSes, my treasure of nostalgia, smile, tears, memories of good old days.